Anonymous Commenter: deadmat5
Anonymous Comment: "There Milwaukee Cops. They got badges and they will do whatever they want. Cops get special treatment. They will prolly win this BS case. I hate Milwaukee cops. They got badges, so that makes them better then everyone else. They do what they want."
Probable Bio: You know those people who have really big gums but really small teeth? Or the ones who look like a post-Knots Landing Ted Shackelford? That's our deadmat5.
Born under unusual circumstances, deadmat5 was actually one of the area's first "test tube babies," not to mention the inspiration for "Weird Al" Yankovic's unfairly maligned 1988 deep cut, "I Think I'm a Clone Now." He excelled at macramé and co-ed broomball throughout his teens, and once shared a gas station restroom with a clearly confused, visibly frustrated Andrew Ridgeley. (Kids, ask your parents.)
Never one to shy away from controversy, deadmat5 made waves during his senior year of high school when he organized a sit-in to protest a teacher's unfair termination. While the egg heads in administration didn't feel six straight weeks of B.J. and the Bear re-runs qualified as a proper curriculum, deadmat5 and a handful of other students disagreed. The teacher was successfully reinstated after the dust-up, only to be killed by a door-to-door Roomba salesman later in the semester.
Now in his 20s, deadmat5 spends most of his free time enriching the news reading experience by making dip-shit comments like the one above. His pet peeves include Chevy trucks, NFL throwback uniforms, and Sonic Youth's contentious move to Geffen Records.
(Lest you think he's a total putz, deadmat5 recently changed his Facebook profile pic to a lithograph of Merv Griffin dry humping Shecky Greene, and cured Type 1 diabetes in the process.)
