Patient pregnancy

From a Milwaukee Journal Sentinel report on a county Mental Health Complex patient who became pregnant:

Anonymous Commenter: jinktown

Anonymous Comment: "Sounds like typical life in the get-tow. They keep having babies and we keep supporting them. End welfare NOW!"

Probable Bio: jinktown is most likely a big tub of shit who resembles the love child of a pre-weight loss Ricki Lake and a pre-death Dom DeLuise (cue uncontrollable laughter and withering looks from Burt Reynolds). In the early 90s, jinktown lost a small fortune when he took the advice of an NES copy of Taboo: The Sixth Sense and moved his illegal off-track betting operation from his two-car garage to the "Soft Play Zone" of a nearby Hardee's. His deep-seated racism was learned at an early age, thanks to a hateful, alcoholic mother and a ne'er-do-well father who published a modestly successful Yakov Smirnoff newsletter. When he isn't busy avoiding the "get-tow" (har har), jinktown enjoys eating, sweating, and those political commercials where some fucking millionaire asshole walks around in a hard hat and safety glasses.

Mowing the lawn

From a Milwaukee Journal Sentinel story about a softball coach who decided to cut the grass in an overgrown outfield:

Anonymous Commenter: slyder

Anonymous Comment: "Before those able bodied welfare recipients git thier checks they should do one lap around the ballpark with the push mower, they would lose some weight and we would get the grass cut in the PUBLIC PARK. Way to many entitlements, not enough work getting done. Maybe some of those retired WEAC school teachers would volunteer to cut grass in their spare time while they recieve FULL PENSIONS. Don't worry the government will always take care of itself first, they could care less about the private sector. Little do they care, without the private sector they would have NOTHING"

Probable Bio: slyder is most likely a single, middle-aged, white male (shocking, I know) who fancies himself a deep thinker and smells vaguely of used dental floss. In junior high, he surreptitiously masturbated during a gymnasium screening of Walt Disney's The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes, and has been a dedicated collector of Cesar Romero memorabilia ever since. A custodial job at a local retirement home led to his first romance; a brief stint in county jail following Bud Bowl VI led to his last. He currently works 25 hours a week, dreams of becoming a stand-up comedian (he's got a really great bit on "anchor babies"), and is a big, steaming piece of dog shit.