Anonymous Commenter: nsf312
Anonymous Comment: "All you people blaming Obama are racists. Why don't you like black people? We all know the problem is Big Oil, Halyburton and Cheney and Nixon. Stand aside and let progressives progress!!"
Probable Bio: nsf312 belongs to that rarefied—not to mention totally retarded—group of anonymous commenters who employ sarcasm in voicing their useless opinions. This not-quite-groundbreaking technique is somewhat more interesting than the average approach (lots of typos, exclamation points, grunting sounds), yet exponentially more irritating. You see, nsf312's anonymous comment is funny because decent, right-leaning folks who disagree with President Obama are automatically accused of being racists, a deplorable phenomenon that happens exactly never. [Editor's note: nsf312 is a racist.]
Born into poverty, nsf312 spent his formative years in rural Wisconsin, doing odd jobs for down-on-their-luck endocrinologists and penning extensive liner notes for Mr. Mister box sets. An unfortunate incident at a local Farmers Market in the mid-90s—involving a cucumber, a fortune teller, and Ian Ziering—led to a lifelong distrust of all things "green," as well as a debilitating fear of culottes. Not surprisingly, he's been a smug, insufferable asshole ever since.
Shattering the anonymous commenter stereotype, nsf312 is actually a gainfully-employed, good-looking fellow who comes in well under 380 lbs. (somebody get Guinness on the horn!) A self-described lothario, his bedroom exploits are indeed impressive. He counts red wine and satin sheets among his vast array of seductive weapons, and typically "seals the deal" with a drunken, heavy petting-infused screening of An American Tail: Fievel Goes West.
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